Easier to Run
by Kimchi-Taco
Summary: If I could change I would... Take back all the pain I would... Retrace every wrong move that I made I would... If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would... If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would...


**Fullmetal Alchemist**

_Easier to Run_

Lyrics Written By: Linkin Park

Fanfiction Written By: Kimchi-Taco

**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist sadly… because if I did I would have way too much fun with Roy. And probably have some fun with Ed. But you know…

**_Author's Note:_** I was up one night listening to this song because I couldn't sleep and realized how much this song can fit in with Ed's position in the story. It's really awesomated! But the main theme of the song isn't really the same but I am trying to put it together. Well I hope you like it!

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__It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Then face all this pain here all alone_

_Something has been taken_

_From deep inside of me_

_A secret I've kept locked away_

_No one can ever see_

_Wounds so deep they never show_

_They never go away_

_Like moving pictures in my head_

_For years and years they played_

Ed had been trying to sleep for hours but the memory that haunted him and returned to him every night, as a nightmare, kept him wide awake. What happened the night that his brother and he had done something so discouraged by society and morally wrong in all eyes that he can never forget.

Ed let out a sigh of discouragement and turned over in his bed and heard the clanking of his metal arm and leg. He never showed his great wounds, or to him his great reminders, to anyone but hid them under his cloak and gloves. In his one haven, he would close his eyes and open them again in hopes his arm and leg were right there. Of course, his haven was destroyed each time he looked down and saw the shining metal glaring up at him as if mocking at his broken hopes.

_If I could change I would_

_Take back the pain I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made I would_

_If I could_

_Stand up and take the blame I would_

_If I could take all the shame to the grave_

_I would_

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this plain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Than face all this pain here all alone_

Ed rolled his face into the pillow as he bit his lip and tried hard not to cry and erase all the thoughts in his head. But he couldn't rid the guilt he had inside of him. The guilt that will be the biggest regret that he will ever live with. If he could go back in time and smack some sense into his brain before he did that stupid mistake. If he could have at least just died there instead of Al having to suffer that would be a lot better than the situation that they are both in right now. As a matter of fact he wouldn't have minded if he would die right now so that he can leave this heavy burden he had created on himself and his brother. His brother… Al…

_Sometimes I remember_

_The darkness of my past_

_Bringing back these memories_

_I wish I didn't have_

_Sometimes I think of letting go_

_And never looking back_

_And never looking forward so_

_There would never be a past_

_If I could change I would_

_Take back the pain I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made I would_

_If I could_

_Stand up and take the blame I would_

_If I could take all the shame to the grave_

_I would_

The tears began to fall as he saw his brother in his mind, the one so innocent and pure – the one that was always the wisest and knew better and yet so easy to manipulate – the only thing that Ed had left was a soul hidden inside this horrible metal armor. He remembered how Al's soul traveled to the door of all truth and knowledge of alchemy. Ed remembered waking up on the other side of the door and saw the deformed and all ready decaying body which was suppose to be their mother. He remembered the painful realization of his fault and his missing brother and did the only thing he could and take back what he can get. His arm and leg now gone and his blood flowing everywhere… he remembered it all to well.

At night, he pretended it was just a terrible nightmare and he tried to escape from the truth. He wished it would go away and he could never think of it again. But when he looked at his metal arm and his metal brother, Ed can never move on and way from the past. That his past was now his mistake he had to live with. Ed pounded it into his head that it was his fault for all of this, and that his selfishness put aside both his and Al's safety and body. But he had to live with it everyday.

_Just washing it aside_

_All of the helplessness inside_

_Pretending I don't feel misplaced_

_Is so much simpler than change_

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Than face all this pain here all alone_

Ed quickly got up from his bed and ran outside into the icy rain and let it hit his skin till it was so numb he couldn't feel anything besides the pain inside of his chest that rang out. He finally couldn't take it anymore as he screamed in anguish and let the tears fall down just like the rain did. He remembered the time when he and his brother were so normal and so happy and he use to try and pretend it was the same. But in the back of his mind he knew he wasn't normal anymore, but his yearning for normality made him act in a pretend world at times.

Ed fell on his knees and slammed his clenched fist into the ground several times as he let the blood gush from his knuckles. After a few minutes of this Ed stopped and cried. He cried out his pain and his guilt.

After half an hour of crying in the rain his brother called out from behind him, "Brother?"

Ed slowly stood up from his knees and let the cold rain wash away his blood and his voice was a monotone as he said, "Al… I have a question for you."

Al's movement stopped as Ed heard his metal stopped clanking as Ed asked, "Could you ever forgive me for what I have done… what I have done to both of us?"

Al said nothing for awhile and said, "Ed… you are my brother. Of course I forgive you for what happened."

Ed turned around looking at the ground and Al said, "Brother… comes inside before you get…"

Before Al could finish Ed stopped him and said, "Al… I am really sorry. And one day I promise everything will be back to normal."

Al moved his arm around his brother and brought him back inside and dragged him into the shower.

When Al dried himself off before he would rust and thought of what his brother had promised and said to himself, "Things will never go back to normal, brother."


End file.
